Saddness strikes again at a School.

CRYING

The beautiful day is marred with the news,

the scene is surrounded by television crews.

Kids are frightened , running scared... crying,

shaking their heads, adults are lost and sighing.

Time fades ever so slowly to a stand still,

As I stand waiting, watching as if on a hill.

I truly wonder why we allow ourselves to be so cruel

when we know our lives are destined to be over too.

To be sitting in class wishing of our dreams,

Listening to Teacher, trying to teach us reams.

The shots in the school heard throughout the halls,

bet's are tolling for those doomed to take the fall.

The shooter quits firing and lays down his gun,

others see that he's finished and has had his fun.

With a smile on his face and blood on his hands,

Got starts the new day Crying for his Lands.

There are so many wonderful things to do and see,

So many amazing things the future holds to be.

True, our future is seemingly unknown,

But life without Chances is our Fate sewn.

R. Choate

03/06/2001

Columbine

Remember only we can teach our children kindness for others. THIS past and future are UNnessesary. Do try to remember who listens (and YES they do listen) to you and your actions then repeats them, and give them examples to LOVE and LIVE by.

Blessings,

Rachel

WORDS

WORDS

Words of praise given at no cost,

to those who may have been lost,

is to create wings on my soul.

Words of love, laughter, and cheer,

to those who have none to hear,

Is a gift, as smile that lightens my load.

Words of heartache, sadness, and greif,

to those who feel the same, and alone,

Is a bridge to cross the personal reef.

Words of friendship, joy, and caring;

to those who know naught but hurt,

Is the greatest of giving, a real sharing.

Words shown for all the world to see,

freeing us to be all we can try to be,

Are true feelings to tie us together.

R. Choate

04/05/2001

The childhood saying goes" Stick and Stone may break my bones, but words cannot hurt me.." Well that just isn't so... Words carry a GREAT deal of POWER and DO cause PAIN. Especially for / from children. And where do they learn these painful, hatefilled words..?

In Time of Need I am posting this.

For three days the Goddess Cries

Three days for each who dies.

Time of burials, the sun shines bright,

as She greets the souls, new to her sight.

A Mother, her toddler, and Baby too,

Needless deaths, year oh so very few.

Lost, afraid, and forever out of her place,

Mother's Mask slips madly from her face.

Lost in herself, ready to give up the good fight,

Afraid of lonelyness, regardless of what's in sight.

Forever now out of her suppressed, silent misery,

Together her, the toddler, and so precious baby.

As the funeral hour soon draws near,

I pray to the Goddess, please may she hear.

Free this Mother, from her terrible earthly binds,

Allow her anewed strength for her new lines.

R.

9-5-2003

Rest in Peace

Courtney

I know it isn't going to bring anyone back, but perhaps knowing that others have lived with the pain will help to ease some one else's.

Blessing to You All

Rachel

Weekend is gone once again

WEll once again it is Sunday night and the weekend is fading away. I have been through the Sunday paper looking once more for my JOB. Wish me luck. I know that the comment thingie is weirded out so I know that the few of you that actually look and see have not been able to say HI or G2H.
Anyhow, I figured I'd take a break from the crying jag that "The Ulimate Makeover/ Home Edition" put me in, and post yet again. Instead of whinning or bitching I thought perpahs I would share another poem ( just one time this round lol ) w/ ya'll.

Behind the Mask

Lost, alone, and out of place

never to loose my Public Face

I smile, laugh, join in w/ them

But only I will know my future sin.

Friends I have and friend I be,

But forever seperated from thee

No connection to world or one at all

Pain to determine my pending fall.

Guilt, sadness, and low self esteem

Non allowed ever to be seen.

Mustn't let these feelings through,

The PITY from them would never do.

I know now I can't stay and play,

The building pain never to fade away.

I will miss those who show kindness,

But somewhere, I must find my own bliss.

Not in this world, but perhaps the next,

Away from my plague will I find rest.

Shed your tears for me NOT today,

For I shall greet you On your way.

R. Choate

2001

I suppose I need to get w/ Kari to find the copyrite key.. or how to copyrite my stuff, but I'd just as soon be able to share w/ those who would like to read my poetry. And if that goes over well I'll start one of my novels for you all. OH JOY !!! heehee I know, I know.. I've blown you over.. Tell me do you ever feel like your in a large empty room speaking to NO ONE but yourself, but you Just Couldn't give a Crap ? That's about how I feel.

Here's hoping you ..well like if not enjoy Behind the Mask.

Brightest of Blessings to you and yours

Rachel

I'm Back

Mountain Home

She holds me high to show me the sight

never to shake me, regardless her might.

In her valleys I swim in her tears

the waters washing away my fears.

Providing the nourishment I need,

for all there who may need to feed.

She is a mother, a protector, a giver

to climb up high when comes her river.

So many years away from her imbrace

only to join others in the "Rat Race".

Memories of our times on my walks

of finding her there for all my talks.

Knowing she'll be when I go home

waiting with her ever quiet tone.

Waiting for my return to waterfall fountains

Oh, how I truely miss the Ozark Mountainsj

R. Choate

04/24/2001

For those of us who have left our homes and can't wait to get back again. You know who you are.

To Answer a Question

I am a 32 year old Mother/wife. And have only been in the hospital 3 times in my life... when I was born, when I needed stitches, and when I gave birth to my wonderful daughter. Needless to say I learned to distrust most doctors and stayed away unless I just couldn't aviod it. Now, I can't avoid it and am looking for others who might understand where I am and am going.After hours at this hospital they whispered and spoke a strange language and the next morning I was in an ambulance headed for the Methodist Hospital in Houston. I was still okay w/ what was happening.. which wasn't much. At this time I still had no clue as to who, what, where, when, or why. I could only just hold on for the ride. Thankfully my Husband was there w/ me and our wonderful Neighbors were looking after our daughter.It wasn't until the Surgeon told me I had to have surgery to remove the blood clots that it hit me. I Had Heart Problems. I was absolutely terrified, but still held it together. The night before the surgery I was on the phone w/ my husband that I broke.. my terror of not being in control got to me and I cried. Needless to say my husband came and stayed w/ me. I do not recall anything other than waking up after the surgery, but apparently proceeded to remove everything from my body and go home.. they knocked me out deeper and had to replace everything. After that I ended up taking numerous tests.. ( some of which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy if I had one.. they hurt so bad). And the cardiologist told me that my mitral valve was nearly destroyed and most likely from Rhumatic Fever as a child. I couldn't beleive it. There's no way.. I would have remembered something like that, but apparently it didn't take much for Strep Throat to turn into R F even with penicillan. Then I was really scared, and knew my husband wouldn't be able to stay w/ me all the time. Luckily my Mother In Law was with me when D couldnt be. And our daughter was being watched over by his Home Town and going to school there. I felt lucky to know that they were all pulling for me. Anyhow, I had my surgery and after Nearly a month I wanted nothing more than to get out of the hospital.. I had not been outside the entire time, due to the monitor I HAD to wear 24/7. After the Heart Surgery My bp was so low that the nurses would check on me quite often and would go so far as to wake me too. I finally got to leave and went home w/ my MIL so someone was with me and could hook me up to my antibiotics and give me my shots (prior to warfarin). I lasted a week, I got so bad I couldn't speak a sylible without taking a breath. I could not walk very far because of the swelling, but I had not gained more that a few ounces a day. Apparently that's all it took. I went to my check up at the cardiologist and I knew I would have to go back in. He sent me to the Lung Doc. and rushed me to a room. I was there for a bit over a week just to get off the warfardin so he could drain my lungs. And let me tell you.. It Hurt !! It was another week (so it felt like) before it reexpanded. That was from the last weekend in August to the begining of Oct.
We have relocated according to his job, in his home town now. I have an appointment w/ a new cardiologist Dr. Sweet the 19th. I plan to bombard him w/ all my questions and queiries then, but felt it was important that I connect w/ others who understand what I have gone through and know what my future may hold. I take my warfardin religously and non aspirine pain killers quite often. I have been on my period for 2weeks now and am looking forward to getting off of it.
During all of this I had friends/family .. loved ones.. who called, came by the hospital, emailed, and just plain let me know that they were thinking of me. I could not have survived as strongly as I had if not for their support and love. To my Mom and MIL not to mention well everyone else (Kari) who kept me on my toes. I Love You All.
And now I have found ValveReplacement.com a site that is full of those who have gone through well valve replacement and will hopefully answers question I have, and help me as I finish my life on Warfarin.
Brightest Blessings to All
R

Christmas is Coming

Christmas will soon be here then I will have to wait yet another week for the month to end then hopefully start a new job after the New Year, and we can finally get out of my FIL's hair. Oh!! And I can get my puter back and set up again . WooHoo. Or am I jumping the gun again? Getting my hopes up? Whoa what am I doing ? Perhaps I should just wait and see, keep calm, and PRAY for the best , yes I'll do that.

Yesterday wasn't much .. just mostly laundry and a nap.. (such a life I lead). Today though (and it's young yet) I was at the clinic/hospital in town getting my lab works done... Blood drawn, EKG done, and Chest X-rays for my new Cardiologist Dr. Sweet. It's that a nice name.. I hope it fits him. Just hope that everything is okay.. No News is Good News .. ya know.

Found this and thought I would share again :

Sachets: Tiny pillows scented lightly add a touch of fragrance to a room, closet or in a drawer.

Lavender scented sachets:Lavender 3 ouncesOrris root 1 ounceEssential oil lavender 4 drops

Rose scented sachetsDried rose petals 1 ounce1/2 ounce peppermint leaves1/2 ounce whole cloves Essential oil rose 2 drops

Wildflower scented sachets: 2 cups dried fragrant flowers of choice: lavender, roses, peppermint, clary sage etc. Essential oils add a few drops at a time, mix and continue until desired scent is achieved. Orris root (to help retain scent)

Directions: Mix ingredients in glass or wooden bowl: Place mixture into pre-made organza, muslin, silk, or velvet bags, or make your own. Embellish with ribbon and trinkets of your choice.

Hope you enjoy it. That is if you try it anyhow. I'll post another later. Let me know if you try these and how it went for you.

Brightest of Blesssings to all
R

Is it really Tuesday

Well today was much more productive than yesterday, but then again I wasn't in a vehicle for most of the day. LOL After I got up, and my Hunter got home we went to see the store and I got wrapping paper, tape, and other stuff, plus a couple of cute Snowmen for my MIL. She of course loved them. : ) I didn't get to work on her puter (she wanted a recipe from the Jane Pauley web site.. (http://www.thejanepauleyshow.com) so I found all of them for the specific day and sent them to my "notebook" for safe keeping until I can print them out for her. She was helping a friend of her's set up a christmas tree.. the friend is a couple of days home from the hospital (glad to hear that she is now Cancer Free)
Anyhow, I did find a recipie from Good Morning America that I believed sounded good and copied it for myself but am going to share w/ yall:
Bath Bombs: Nothing beat a good long soak in a warm bath. These bath bombs are effervescent and will add a bubbly spark. They are lightly seasoned with essential oils that will help your host relax after a party.
Dry Ingredients:• 2 Cups of baking soda• 1 cup of citric acid (buy at local pharmacy)• 1 cup of corn starch• 8 tablespoons of powdered sugar• 1/4 teaspoon of Borax (look in your market's detergent section)
Wet Ingredients: • Essential oil of choice• 5 tablespoons of light oil (choose from jojoba, sweet almond, olive, sunflower or canola • 1 1/2 tablespoons of water
Directions:
Measure and sift together dry ingredients. Thoroughly mix together wet ingredients.
In a medium bowl add 1/2 cup dry ingredients. Drizzle oil mixture (less is best) over dry ingredients (start with 1 tablespoon) and blend with your hands. Try to start forming mixture into a ball. If it's too dry (crumbles easily) add a bit more oil mixture. Continue molding the mixture until you can form a firm ball.
Place on parchment paper to dry. Be sure to check within 1-2 hours. If the ball has expanded, remold it shaping back down to original size. Allow to dry thoroughly (about 2 days.)
Wrap or package in decorative jar embellish and you're done.


Hope yall enjoy it if you try it.

Finally got back and wrapped presents, what we had and and I could do before K got home from school. After all that was said and done I finally made myself a Doctor's appointment and believe it or not... I got one the very same day...lol He is a nice man and he and I talked for some time before he sent me for my blood work. ( Bout time I got my INR checked ) Hopefully I'll hear from them tomorrow and find out about the Cardiologist that visit the area once a month and get on his list too.
For those of you who do not know, I had Heart Surgery back in Sept and the Vas. Surgeon had to replace the Mitral valve of my heart w/ a New mechanical valve (thank you St. Jude) because of Reumatic Fever as a child (due to strep throat). Now I am on anti- coagulants for the remander of my life.

Until tomorrow....LAUNDRY DAY !!